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Professional Rooster Among First Church Deacons

Breaking! Professional Rooster Among First Church Deacons

This is Literal Linus coming to you LIVE from Acts 6:5 in Awan with a groundbreaking revelation that is sure to rock the foundations of the church.

"This talk seemed good to them, so they named Estefan, a man full of faith and the Holy Spirit, with Filipus, a Professional Rooster, Nykanor, Timon, Parmenas, and Nikolaus..."

-Acts 6:5, Awan Back Translation


That's right, folks, you heard it here first: new translation evidence states that a Professional Rooster was one of the first deacons in the early church. Was it the self-same farm bird whose pre-dawn crows convicted Peter of his denial of Christ? We can neither confirm or deny that the rooster mentioned in all four gospels is not one and the same with this one now found in Acts: a prophetic poultry of upstanding character who gave voice and service to the church. For more details, let's go to our source expert...


"There is definitely a rooster mentioned in all four gospels, yes. However, I don't see any roosters in the Greek text of Acts." says the translation consultant of TranslationofTruth. "The names in Acts 6:5 are 'Stephen,' 'Philip,' 'Prochorus'---"


"Yes ma'am, Professional Rooster, right there. Can you comment on the methods which early apostles may have used to evaluate this bird's character in preparation for deaconate service?"


"Uh-- no. I'd like to know more about his name actually. Pro-rooster?"


Speakers of the target language confirm that "Chorus," the second half of 'Prochorus,' is their word for a domestic male chicken. The prefix 'pro', they understand via language-borrowing to be short for 'Professional' as in the world of sports and education. Hence, this translation states very clearly that a Professional Rooster was not only present, but chosen by the apostles.


"I need to interrupt you right there." The consultant interjects, "That is not the meaning the original audience understood from Prochorus' name and really points to the importance of checking proper names in translation. How can we make this sound more like someone's name without the poultry connotations?"


Let's go to the Awan translators for their reactions to this developing story. Yes, it sounds like they are changing the spelling of Prochorus' name now. This reporter wonders whether spelling the name differently is a blatant disregard for accuracy to the original source text. One translator comments, "Your English translation doesn't spell Jesus' name like the Greek text either."


In fact, experts say names such as Jesus, Mary, Simon, and many others in the New Testament were originally Hebrew or Aramaic and translated into Greek spellings for the sake of the original target audience. Modern translators are doing the same for their own texts.


This is Literal Linus, signing off. It looks as though once again groundbreaking new interpretations of Scripture are rebuffed in the name of accurate, clear, and natural translations. Tune in next time when Paul and a Hole travel together to Macedo--


[We apologize this satirical broadcast was cut short when the consultant stole the reporter's microphone. She would like the record to show that Paul's traveling companion was in fact, Silas, not a Hole.]

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